Did you hear about the women who was raped? - An article I wrote

Did you hear the one about the women who was raped?

Yeah, wasn’t it just so funny to hear about how much she suffered?

Rape jokes.

Cruel, heartless jokes made by cruel, heartless people that are appearing more and more on our timelines. Don’t worry about the horrors people have experienced at the hands of rapists; don’t worry about how you may be triggering someone desperately trying to get over a traumatic experience and DEFINITELY don’t worry about the sheer number of people you could be upsetting because it’s all ‘just a joke’, right?

Wrong.

Joking about rape is inconsiderate, insensitive and cowardly. You may find it funny, you may label it the ‘dark side of humour’ but there are others like you who wish they can see it that way, who have to watch as everyone laughs at a very upsetting situation they have potentially been in.

But can they do anything about it? No, because all the bigots who think they know best, who think they know everything about rape when most of the time they haven’t experienced anything like it, say it’s ‘just humour’.

Can you imagine having your worst feelings and fears thrown to the side and labelled as ‘just humour?' Can you imagine everyone laughing at what you’ve gone through? Can you imagine how alone that could make someone feel?

No… a lot of the time we can’t. But, unfortunately, calling someone out on it is not always an option. In a recent survey I conducted, one woman said that ‘in her head she would love to call someone out on a rape joke’ but, in reality, ‘she would be far too scared’. Another commented on how the joker could become ‘threatening’ or how an already distraught person could be made to feel worse by a conflict. This means that people are victimised by these jokes but are unable to put a stop to them in fear for their or others’ well-being. Please explain to me how that is okay.

One other opinion that caught my eye was the thought that ‘women are [often] the subject of the jokes because men think women won’t speak out against it’. And doesn’t that just sum it all up? People who make rape jokes are praying on victims who they believe will not call them out on the inhumane words they are saying. They are upsetting people who they think will not object.

Actually, forget everything I just said… because Rod Liddle, a journalist who knows SO MUCH about how rape makes people feel, has come to us with some expert advice: ‘It’s every day, get a grip’ and that the only reason people are distressed by it because they ‘allow’ themselves to get distressed by it.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is advice we should NOT be giving to people, because, as one of the amazing people who did my survey put it; ‘If the victim is hurt, it’s the joker’s fault and they need to own up to that’. We can’t blame people for being upset. We must blame the person who made them that way.

And if anyone even dares to use the incredibly sexist phrase ‘man up’ then you can simply quote another one of the amazing people who answered my questions; ‘Manning up is not laughing at a rape joke; it’s standing up to it’.

Don’t joke about rape.

-Abby Buckingham